My little woman, my Amberella, just left to go back to her place and get ready for work. Last night was awesome, we stayed up ’till 4:oo in the morning. We danced after dinner, then I picked up one of my guitars and played some smooth, mellow and sexy stuff of my own and she continued to dance for me. I love her gorgeous body and the way she moves it. Especially when she’s in those low rise tan cargos of hers, loose in the leg, but perfect on those hips.

When she gets to work today, she’ll be greeted with some surprise flowers. I called the florist right after she left. We’re having a quick dinner tonight on her break at work. We’ll both be freezing our asses off in the car probably, but I love every minute with her, and she looks so cute in her puffy pink coat.

I don’t know what to get her for Christmas though. I’m going to make her a pair of earrings, but other than that, I’m drawing a blank. Speaking of Christmas, not to be selfish, but I hope someone gets me my little stinky attack ferret that I’ve been wanting. I can’t decide though, once I have him, whether to give him a little tiny ferret sized Palestinian red and white checked head adornment and name him Yassir Ferretfat, or give him a tiny little green beret with a little red star on it and call him Che Gueferret. Either way, he be a little militant monster, but I’ll train him not to really attack people, just stand up and hiss with those cute little ferret paws in the air. I’ll have to bathe him every day though, otherwise, he’ll stink up my place.

Now time for the daily tune, for Amber, What love can be, by Kingdom Come.

I’m glad she loves all my hair band shit, even though she was only a little one when it all was out there.

That little redheaded Irish sprite of mine will be over here after she’s off work. I’ve got pork chops for us, but got hungry earlier so had to eat some soup loaded with Club crackers to hold me over. Of course it was accompanied by fermented hops and barley, plus I’ve got a bottle of Sangria for when she gets here. A little out of my taste, but she loves it so I’ll deal with the stomach ache.

Last night at her folks house was fun. Sean new I was F*-ed up and kept feeding me more scotch. Amber and I slept in her old room until about 2:00 in the morning when it was safe for her to drive. I owe Sean half of my CD collection from several lost games of pool, but he doesn’t like metal, so I doubt he’ll want to collect. I think he was just having fun whooping my ass at pool and making moot bets.

Trust me, if you’re a partier, hook up with a mate who’s entire family likes the whole inebriation thing. My only problem is, I’m starting to like Amber’s weed a little too much. I smoked it for a few years as a teen but ended up not liking it back then. Now many years later, I do like it and I have enough intoxicants in my system, so I have to start exerting some self control. Too bad she doesn’t have a line on some good shrooms. I don’t do any hard drugs like meth, never touched it and never will, same with heroin and crack. Me and cocaine don’t mix, the coke stole my paycheck the one weekend I tried it, so no more of that. So it’s just the pain pills, alcohol and seroquil. But I’m happy and I smile most of the time anymore, even when I’m not F*-ed up. Who ever coined the phrase “mid life crisis” was wrong. I’m having one and I’m having the best time of my life. It’s a 30 something liberation from bad decisions of the heart. I know I’ll make more, but I’m happy and I have a gorgeous size 2 woman who was in third grade catholic school in Missouri when I graduated my Catholic school in Denver. Even my pal with the ex stripper wife can’t keep his eyes to himself when she’s around, I must be doing something right.

By the way, there was a study on alcohol abuse and religion and we Catholics ranked number one, don’t blame me, it’s all on the old guy with the funny hat in Rome. Don’t get me wrong, I’m irreverant and a scoundrel, but I love “Heysus” and the church, I’m just a sarcastic sinner, Forgive me, but the pope is only a man and my great friend “Heysus” he didn’t wear a funny hat.

She’s here now, I took a little break to get the pork chops going and she’s watching them now, she respects my little online diary and doesn’t interfere if I’m putting my thoughts down. I love that little woman, the best woman I’ve ever known and if we can get past the land mines that have temporarily blown us apart in the past, I will be glad to have her as my lifelong one and only and if so, I would be a very lucky, lucky man.

I don’t want my ex wife, nor Caroline, nor any of the one nighters, nor that “ditsy” blond who I had one date with and she can’t get the message even though I told her plainly I’m back with my woman and I’m her man and no one elses. We have had our problems, but when it’s good, it’s like nothing else. She knows my soul and I embrace hers.

Now a flamenco/jazz tune. She loves to dance and I’ll be putting the CD in after dinner to see her body move and do my best to flow with her, she had years of lessons, I only have inner rhythm. I love my little 5 foot tall woman, but you’ll never see me try to do that Irish dancing she does. My body’s art is the Kung Fu. I’m limber and can easily do the splits and be back up in an eyes blink, but the whole Irish dance stuff, thats her bag not mine. And I can play the flamenco and jazz, but she knows from her heart how to move to it, so I just follow. But hey, I know my way around the mosh pit.

Now that  sexy tune by B-Tribe, enjoy,

I’m quite F*-ed up. Ive been drinking all day and eating the pills like candy and even smoked the rest of my Amber’s green stuff, But I can keep my head, I’m a pro by now at being fucked up and hiding it.

We have to go to her parents house for dinner tonight once she gets here. I like them both. Mary is one of the best women I’ve ever met and Sean is a fucking radical, similar to me. Us reds always find each other.

She’ll be here pretty soon so time for some music. First to get my North Florida, white trash roots out, Tuesday’s Gone.

Now, a little tune that always gets wiped out by me every time I post it, but not this time, Three Days Grace, Animal I Have Become. A perfect picture of the dark side of a Bi Polar manic phase, in which I live.

Now a tune for my ex wife Anji, I Don’t Care, by Apocalyptica

I got up way too early today, it was only 27*  outside, when I crawled out of my warm bed and turned on the early news. That little redheaded Irish sprite of mine is still sleeping like a baby, sprawled out across both sides of the bed. She looks good when she’s asleep, she always looks good, but there’s something about the way she stretches across the bed that just seems so damned sexy to me.

We’re supposed to have dinner at her Dad’s tomorrow. I like her dad, he always has good booze and beer. He seems quite fond of me too, but it’s kind of creepy at times, I think he identifies with something in my personality that reminds him of Amber’s dead brother, Donnie. He’s creeped me out a few times with it. But he is a good guy with a lot of I.R.A stories from N. Ireland in the 70’s.

Enough of this, now time for a tune. I wish she would wake up so I can play my guitar, but now, just for fun to get the Irish out , Shipping Up To Boston, by the Dropkick Murphys. A little traditional with a little punk.

I’m back from Nowhere Oklahoma and a wee bit buzzed on Amber’s weed and Sam Adams, plus the pills. She’ll be by here at around 6:00 pm today, we sort of have plans, but I’m going to try and postpone them with the pleasures of the flesh. Knowing her, I’ll succeed.

We restarted our relationship together right before I visited Oklahoma last week. And we’ve had some great talks on the phone. I almost think we’d be better off as a long distance relationship sometimes. She was going to come down for a couple of days, but was afraid her car wouldn’t make the highway trip, so she stayed here. I can’t wait to see her.

We’re taking a new approach this time. We’ve split up so many times. And both done things during our split ups that we shouldn’t have. So if we have to get away from each other for a week or so, we’re going to look at it a some time for ourselves alone, NOT a break up, if it happens again. We’ve both own very strong personalities, that sometimes causes conflict, but we do love each other and always end up back together. She is my woman and I am her man, even if she is a stubborn little Irsh sprite at times and me a headstrong yet insecure scoundrel, asshole at times.

Now a song that fits those “split up” times, Black, by Pearl Jam off of Ten, one of the best albums ever.

It was your expression from those gorgeous, mesmerizing eyes

that brought that lump to my throat

and the tightness in my chest.

It was the sentiment from your heart

that again ignited mine.

It was the slow and somewhat unsure smile you gave

that made my breath quicken a little.

It was the soft sweetness in your voice

that melted my resolve.

<~)  *  (~>

I don’t know how she always seems to know just the right time to call or show up, but she does and I always give in. Like I’ve said before, she holds a place, deep in my heart that no one else has ever touched. There must be a reason we always end up right back together, that or we’re both gluttons for heartache.

We’re have a late dinner date tonight. Friday, I go out of town until after Thanksgiving, had we known how things would turn out, we could have planned for her to get some time off and come down with me. As it stands know, she has Saturday and Sunday off and she’s trying to get Monday too and she’ll be coming down to Oklahoma Saturday morning for the weekend. I haven’t sprung that fact on my family down there yet. They aren’t too fond of her but they know I love her so they’ll deal with it.

Amber’s never been down to my mom’s or my sister’s. They live way the hell out in the boonies, you can’t even find it on google maps. So she’s going to have to call me when she gets to Fayetteville, then I’ll go meet her in Siloam Springs and she’ll follow me back out to the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. My mom and sis live next to each other, I used to live where my sister does now and it is in the freaking woods, there is no way Amber would find it on her own even with the best directions. After you go about 25 minutes on the twisty chat roads, then you go over a low water bridge onto the gravel road, then up a nasty curving hill. I think she’ll see it as an adventure of sorts.

It’s a good thing I’m skinny and she’s tiny because the bed I sleep on down there is tiny too. She does flail around a lot though and likes to spread out. I haven’t had a drink in two days and I feel good inside, having her back is far better a euphoria than any booze or pills. I don’t think she’s drinking or not much at least either, but I haven’t asked and she hasn’t mentioned.

Enough of this long assed post, if I could think of a song I’d post it, but I’m coming up blank.

Just a poem of love for Amber, but not too sappy.

A Poem For My Amberella

Like a hand to a glove,

on a frigid winter’s eve.

Wrapped tightly around,

molding together,  together bound,

in love’s soothing weave.

Like a hand to a glove,

our souls joining.

Bonding smoothly in warmth,

as one together, together sworn

in love’s glowing anointing.

Yesterday was my birthday and it was celebrated mildly. The two high points were first Amber showing up unannoinced with a very nice chrysal vase. She knows I have a thing for all sorts chystal. It’s all over my house and I have a small fortune in antique German and pre world war 2 Czeck chrystal beads.

I didn’t ever think I’d be glad to see her again, but I was. We had dinner and she left. I’m suppossed to call her today but I kind of fear what may become of it. She lies and hurts me, but she holds a place in my heart no one else ever has. I don’t know what I’ll do.

Right now cheap ass Steel Reserve beer, 8.1% alcohol, and Judas Priest are filling my day. The other event of the night was me sparring with my Neighbor and his 20 year old guitar playing son. It was fun but I’m sore all over. I was quite drunk, so I don’t recall which one of them did it, but one of them layed a nasty kick to my knee and it doesn’t like moving too much today, but I know they have their wounds too, Ive also got a bruise across the top of my foot so I know I landed a very painfull shot on one of them.

Now two Priest songs, the first I’ll call Amber’s Love Bites, the second was a song I obsessed on after my now deceased friend broke my young heart. We almost put it back together last year, but Amber asked me to stop talking to her and I stupidly did and now she’s gone forever.

Enough of that I don’t want to think too much, the Fates and Furies do as they please, now those jams.

I’m sure the tunes can give you an idea of how old my birthday yesterday made me, but I often chop six or seven years off of it and never act my age. Time for another cheap beer.

I did a bad thing tonight. I had a first date with this gal for Friday, but put if off  ’till tonight because I had out of town family Friday, I should have put it off for ever.

She’s a nice woman and cute, as well as being a professional, but she is annoying as hell, once you start to really talk with her. I don’t mean to sound sexist, but ditsy fits her perfect. All through dinner, at this nice little Italian place I like, she talked non stop, I couldn’t get much of a word in at all and by the time the taramisu came, I was ready to climb a tall building and jump off, just to be free of her jabbering.

Mistake number one, I didn’t end the night there. I went to a club she likes with her, and as the alcohol started to flow, she got louder, talking quicker and more obnoxious. Did I mention she’s quite cute though.

So we leave the bar and the scum bag in me emerged. Mistake number two. She’s asleep in my bed now. Now I have to listen to her in the morning too. And it’s much harder to get out of now.

I had good intentions and high hopes for this date, but I ended up creating a problem for myself and a need for earplugs. But did I mention how cute she was?  And she’s cuter and much hotter once the intimacy begins. I wonder how long lust will over power her being very annoying.

If I were deaf, it wouldn’t matter. I feel like a scum bag.

I can’t think of a fitting song for the moment so I’ll just add something that reaches another place in my sore soul.  More gay Duran Duran, Ordinary World.

I have a first date tomorrow with S. Unfortunately it will end quite prudish. My sister and mother are coming up here tomorrow and I didn’t know it until today. They’ll be staying in my spare bedroom. So nothing can happen in my place, the walls are very thin and I can’t leave them here alone from 7:00 pm ’till 11:00 or so Saturday morning, so the Fates have deal me a hand of forced virtue.

So we’ll have our first date and end it early, so I can tend to my family. I hope S. understands exactly what is going on, I hoped for a very long evening with her, but the family has popped in yet again. What can I do, there coming from out of state and didn’t know I had plans with a gorgeous young woman just out of college.

I really hope S. understands and doesn’t hold it against me. If she does, then my mom and sis will get the worst tasting breakfast they’ve ever had in their lives.

Anyway, I think I can pull it off as a gentleman and save the scoundrel for a second date. I like this gal and she obviously seems to like me too. She’s almost out of my workin’ class league, but not really and she’s hot too.

This is a  possible fresh start for me after Amber, so the only thing I’ll let screw it up is me. And if it really comes down to it, mom and Robbie can fix their damned breakfast while wonder where the hell I am for a few hours, They’ve got my phone number.

Now some music,

Billy Squire, Rock Me Tonight. Not to be confussed with Rock Me by Great white that I posted last week. Enjoy fuckers.